Space News: NASA, Space Force, and... What's the Point?

Generated Title: Space: The Ultimate Government Screw-Up?

Okay, so we've got Chinese astronauts stranded again. Seriously? This isn't some sci-fi movie; this is real life, and people's lives are on the line. You'd think after the first time, they'd, ya know, figure things out.

Stranded: A New Space Tourism Trend?

First, it was the Shenzhou-20 crew, chilling in orbit for an extra 204 days – longest single spaceflight, blah blah blah. Then, BAM! Space junk hits their ride home, and suddenly, they're hitching a ride on the next crew's capsule. Which leaves the Shenzhou-21 guys – Zhang Lu, Wu Fei, and Zhang Hongzhang – SOL. Stranded in friggin' space.

Victoria Samson from Secure World Foundation says it's "disconcerting" that the replacement crew doesn't have a ride home. Disconcerting? That's putting it mildly. I'm pretty sure "completely unacceptable" is more accurate.

And what's the excuse? "Limited information from China." Oh, right. Because transparency is totally their thing. It's giving major dead space vibes.

It's like they're running a goddamn space taxi service up there – "Oops, sorry, your Uber's gonna be a little late… like, maybe a week? Hope you packed snacks!"

Is Anyone Actually in Charge?

CMSA supposedly might launch a replacement capsule – Shenzhou-22 – by November 24th. Might. So, what, these guys are just supposed to hang tight and hope nothing else goes wrong in the meantime? What if more space junk comes their way? What if Tiangong, already a cramped "office space" compared to the ISS, springs a leak? What then?

And why the hell did they bring the first crew home before ensuring the second crew had a way back? Was Tiangong getting too crowded? They said it wasn't an issue, but who believes anything they say anyway?

Maybe they were hoping the damaged capsule could be a backup plan. As long as the cracked windshield wasn't part of the main return module, maybe... Just maybe? Give me a break. That's like saying, "Yeah, the car's totaled, but as long as the steering wheel's still attached, we're good to go!"

It's all just so… amateur. Like they're making this shit up as they go along.

Speaking of things that are made up as they go along, I had to deal with Comcast customer service last week, and I swear, talking to a robot would have been more helpful. I spent two hours trying to explain that I didn't order the premium sports package, and they kept telling me to unplug my router. Unplug my router?! What does that have to do with anything? I swear, sometimes I think these companies just hire chimpanzees to answer the phones.

Space Race or Space Farce?

This whole situation is "reminiscent" of problems on the ISS, the article says. Yeah, but at least those guys had a backup plan. These taikonauts are just sitting ducks.

And while China's playing astronaut roulette, NASA's trying to save a space telescope with a rocket dropped from a plane. A plane! Is this "space news" or a goddamn Looney Tunes episode? Private mission to save NASA space telescope will launch in 2026 on a rocket dropped from a plane

Katalyst Space Technologies is going to try and grab the Swift observatory and haul it back up to a higher orbit. Sounds like a job for the Space Force, but offcourse, they're probably too busy buying new uniforms or something.

They're treating the launch date as a "firm commitment," but let's be real, how often do things go according to plan when space is involved?

And here's the kicker: Swift wasn't even designed to be serviced. So, Katalyst is poring over old photos, trying to figure out the safest way to grab it with robotic arms. It's like trying to defuse a bomb while blindfolded.

But hey, if they pull it off, it'll be "historic." A private company saving a government satellite. Maybe that's the problem – maybe the government should just stay out of space altogether.

This Ain't Rocket Science, But It Should Be

I don't know, maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe space is just really, really hard. But come on. This isn't some new problem. We've been going to space for over half a century. You'd think we'd have figured out how to get people back home by now. Ain't that the whole point?